Happy Child

How is it possible to gain middle child status when you are one of six children?  Two older siblings are born.  You are next.  Twins follow to share a birthday.  The youngest arrives, creating five beautiful birthdays, and you are in the middle.

Experts agree, the middle child philosophy is flawed. They report, birth order does not create certain qualities in a child. Large families blessed with many children disagree. 

Ryan, our middle child, is quiet, thoughtful, and independent.  Although it may be the temperament he was born with, being the middle child fostered his gentle demeanor. Often lost in the chaos of our busy family he contentedly goes about his day.

Ryan's toddler milestones occurred without drama.  Eating solids began with Ryan saddled up to a coffee table eating Cheerios, while I quickly cleaned or home schooled his older siblings.  As soon as the last Cheerio was consumed, I would throw a few more in front of him to keep him happy. He never complained.

Potty training was completed before Ry's twin brothers were born.  There was an urgency to train quickly to avoid triplet diaper changes.  When he became a "big boy," Ryan received a "Thank Goodness you are out of diapers!" and he resumed his toddler life without fanfare.

The twins' birth was the catalyst for Ryan to inherit the quiet, middle child role. The wait was long for Ryan to gain help when his parents were caring for two fussy babies. Our preschooler accomplished a handful of skills on his own. Outfits rarely matched, but he got himself dressed.  Toys were tucked away in odd places, but he picked them up. He retrieved diapers, pacifiers and bottles for his new brothers.  Although I sometimes forgot to thank him, Ryan did not seem to mind.   

It was Ryan who taught Benjamin how to pull a chair over to the counter so they could climb up for a snack.  Once I discovered that my three and five year old were safe I often reminded them to grab me a snack while they were up there. It was divine intervention that kept Ryan and Benjamin alive the first few months of the twins' lives.  

About four years ago, when our youngest arrived, my sister-in-law and I brought eight children to Byerly's for Sunday brunch - six children were mine, two were hers.  Grandma Ann met us at the sidewalk to clear the children from the car and bring them into the restaurant.  Once the cousins and siblings had piled out of the car, Heidi and I left to park her car.  Ten very quiet minutes went by and we still hadn't found a spot.  

Suddenly my cell phone rang, interrupting our peace.  Grandma Ann counted heads and she only had seven children at the table. The newest baby was present. but Ryan was missing.  Heidi and I raced back to the sidewalk.  My five year old wasn't waiting at the drop off location!  I reached hysteria in a matter of seconds, and was about to alert the authorities and request a lock down of the restaurant to canvas the area for a missing child.  Then we heard it.  "Mom?" a quiet voice asked from the third row of Heidi's car.

Ryan had not left the van.  Once composure was gained, and my tears were wiped away, Heidi and I asked Ryan why he hadn't exited with everyone else.  

"I twied Mom," Ryan explained with a smile, "but every time I got to a door someone shut it, so I 'cided to go with you." 

The guilt I felt that day was tremendous.  I confess that I did not feel worried for Ryan though.  I believe he is content with his place in the family.  He has three brothers that rough house and find trouble with him every day.  He searches for his older sister when I can't help him and he is adored by his little sister.  I treasure reading, and contemplating questions about Jesus, with him.  He is a deep thinker.

After the blizzard today I watched Ryan haul logs into the house with his dad.  It was cold and windy, but Ryan was happy.    They worked diligently and silently as they often do. When they are together Ryan isn't lost in the chaos.  He isn't the middle child.  He is his father's son.